Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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