Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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