Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
