just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
