somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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