So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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