But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
