the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
