Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
