i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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