Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
