Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
