What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Randomize
