i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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