Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
