Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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