Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
