Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
