I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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