Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
