Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
