Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
No subtext here. People are naked.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
