i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
