Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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