She just used a chaser for red wine.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
