i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
