He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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