my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
