Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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