Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
