You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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