we have pet lesbian snakes
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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