Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Come on in and take your pants off
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