And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
