Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
