dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
