I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
