My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
it was like his penis was on wheels.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
