hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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