dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
