Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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