she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
My vagina just clenched in fear
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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