this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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