I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Your penis caused this!
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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