My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
