My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
