I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
