3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Randomize