so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I think a kid would responsible me up
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You're a waste of cheezeits
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
