he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize