My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
my shit smells like andre
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
