I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
high people should be assigned attendants
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
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