I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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