Yo dont text me then not text me
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
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