Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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