and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
