My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
