I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
