I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
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