Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
