You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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