I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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