Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
