remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
