Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
