Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
